I Didn't Really Need to Kiss Dating Goodbye
I'm going to give an off-the-cuff response to this article. Then I'm going to leave it for a little while and return with hopefully more insight.
There are things that I hate about modern "Christianity."
It's in quotes, so read further before you freak out.
In every age, there have been set models of what it means to be a Christian. Every age. I can't even make an exception for the first few years after Christ's resurrection, because there was the whole 'you have to be a good Jew to be a good Christian' debate. Every few years, someone pops up with something else, saying, "Look, I found something new! This is what it really means to be a Christian. You must act/dress/eat/live/breathe/date/school/insertverbhere in exactly this way in order to be the perfect Christian. Or apparently just pray about it a lot and, bonus!, you get theAmerican dream - I mean, the life all Christians deserve.
I don't like that book, in case you couldn't tell. (And if you don't know what book I'm talking about, click the link! But beware.)
What was I talking about?
Right.
I've lived through several of these crazes now. There's probably one going on right now, whenever you're reading this. And for some reason, I always get asked, "Hey, are you reading this? It's great. You'd like it." Like they don't know me at all. I'm not going to like it. A) because you told me I would and my inner rebellious nature automatically decides to hate it until I decide it's cool; B) because I hate following the crowd on anything (I didn't watch Frozen until a year after it was released because everyone told me it was great - I thought it was merely okay); and C) it's probably some mass market propaganda that capitalizes on one insignificant detail that completely overlooks the bigger picture and was really just designed to make the author a crapton of money at the expense of the spiritual lives of their audience!
Look, I'm sure some of them mean well. They believe they have discovered something amazing and must impart it to the world. And sometimes they make a good point.
But more often than not, they belabor a point that didn't need to be made, or they overemphasize something that people really shouldn't fixate on but do. All of a sudden, it becomes 'do this or be a bad Christian.'
And it annoys me. Because all of this could be easily resolved by READING THE BIBLE. Not just a couple verses, but the whole thing! At least find a concordance, people. They spent a lot of time putting things into categories. The least you could do is see what other verses say about your chosen topic.
See, despite what many people think and keep trying to force down our gullets, what it means to be a Christian has not changed since the concept came into being. We are Christ followers. We strive to be more like Christ, and we learn what that means by studying Scripture. While books/sermons/tapes/music may provide exposition or commentary, they are not (as we say in the fanfiction business) canon. These books/sermons/tapes/music might point you toward salvation, but they can't actually do the deed.
(Incidentally, this is not a new phenomenon. Jews have the Old Testament, yes, but they also have commentaries. And commentaries on those commentaries. Muslims have the Qur'an. And the hadith. We've actually managed to avoid this pretty well over the years, but I think it's starting to creep in more and more.)
So no, I'm not surprised people feel let down by Joshua Harris now. They took what he said as gospel, and when it didn't bring them everything they wanted, they felt betrayed.
Here's my point, though, and what I really hope you take away from this. I'm afraid that what people are taking away from (as the article put it) Harris' "not-quite-apology tour" is that, because he's rethinking some things, he was actually wrong about everything. Abstinence isn't important, isn't helpful, isn't what God planned.
That's not (I hope) what he's saying.
What I would say is this: Let's look at what the Bible says about sex. What does the Bible say about sex outside of marriage? What does it say about purity? Now take that and apply it to your life. That is what will make you a better Christian. If you think courting is a good way to practice that, great! If that really isn't your style, fine! Do whatever you need to do to keep in line with the biblical teaching. Not because Josh Harris said so. But because that's what it means to be a Christian.
(I'm reading this later. I let it sit for a whole day so I could give it a good think. I haven't really changed much. I feel like I could probably explain it better. But I'm going to hope this is sufficient.)
There are things that I hate about modern "Christianity."
It's in quotes, so read further before you freak out.
In every age, there have been set models of what it means to be a Christian. Every age. I can't even make an exception for the first few years after Christ's resurrection, because there was the whole 'you have to be a good Jew to be a good Christian' debate. Every few years, someone pops up with something else, saying, "Look, I found something new! This is what it really means to be a Christian. You must act/dress/eat/live/breathe/date/school/insertverbhere in exactly this way in order to be the perfect Christian. Or apparently just pray about it a lot and, bonus!, you get the
I don't like that book, in case you couldn't tell. (And if you don't know what book I'm talking about, click the link! But beware.)
What was I talking about?
Right.
I've lived through several of these crazes now. There's probably one going on right now, whenever you're reading this. And for some reason, I always get asked, "Hey, are you reading this? It's great. You'd like it." Like they don't know me at all. I'm not going to like it. A) because you told me I would and my inner rebellious nature automatically decides to hate it until I decide it's cool; B) because I hate following the crowd on anything (I didn't watch Frozen until a year after it was released because everyone told me it was great - I thought it was merely okay); and C) it's probably some mass market propaganda that capitalizes on one insignificant detail that completely overlooks the bigger picture and was really just designed to make the author a crapton of money at the expense of the spiritual lives of their audience!
Look, I'm sure some of them mean well. They believe they have discovered something amazing and must impart it to the world. And sometimes they make a good point.
But more often than not, they belabor a point that didn't need to be made, or they overemphasize something that people really shouldn't fixate on but do. All of a sudden, it becomes 'do this or be a bad Christian.'
And it annoys me. Because all of this could be easily resolved by READING THE BIBLE. Not just a couple verses, but the whole thing! At least find a concordance, people. They spent a lot of time putting things into categories. The least you could do is see what other verses say about your chosen topic.
See, despite what many people think and keep trying to force down our gullets, what it means to be a Christian has not changed since the concept came into being. We are Christ followers. We strive to be more like Christ, and we learn what that means by studying Scripture. While books/sermons/tapes/music may provide exposition or commentary, they are not (as we say in the fanfiction business) canon. These books/sermons/tapes/music might point you toward salvation, but they can't actually do the deed.
(Incidentally, this is not a new phenomenon. Jews have the Old Testament, yes, but they also have commentaries. And commentaries on those commentaries. Muslims have the Qur'an. And the hadith. We've actually managed to avoid this pretty well over the years, but I think it's starting to creep in more and more.)
So no, I'm not surprised people feel let down by Joshua Harris now. They took what he said as gospel, and when it didn't bring them everything they wanted, they felt betrayed.
Here's my point, though, and what I really hope you take away from this. I'm afraid that what people are taking away from (as the article put it) Harris' "not-quite-apology tour" is that, because he's rethinking some things, he was actually wrong about everything. Abstinence isn't important, isn't helpful, isn't what God planned.
That's not (I hope) what he's saying.
What I would say is this: Let's look at what the Bible says about sex. What does the Bible say about sex outside of marriage? What does it say about purity? Now take that and apply it to your life. That is what will make you a better Christian. If you think courting is a good way to practice that, great! If that really isn't your style, fine! Do whatever you need to do to keep in line with the biblical teaching. Not because Josh Harris said so. But because that's what it means to be a Christian.
(I'm reading this later. I let it sit for a whole day so I could give it a good think. I haven't really changed much. I feel like I could probably explain it better. But I'm going to hope this is sufficient.)